Sunday, July 13, 2008

Oh no! Guns, GUNZ!!! National Parks!!!!

These nice people, the NPCA, want people to send comments about " That's right, guns in parks. LOADED guns in parks." Eeeeeeeeeek!!!!! So I edited their suggested email a little. Just a few minutes of angle a little.

America's national parks are some of the most peaceful places in our country, interuppted only by the occasional kidnapping, rape or assault committed by armed criminals upon a disarmed citizenry. (We at the NPCA are indifferent to in favor of bear attacks upon humans. They are natural, if messy.) They offer solitude and an opportunity for reflection, the perfect environment from which to put rounds downrange. That's why I was so thrilled to learn that the administration is considering allowing loaded guns in our national parks. No longer will human predators be able to sneak up on visitors to our parks with the assurance of grizzlies snacking on honeybees. The bees will not be better armed, but the rest of us will.
Illegal poaching is a serious issue in our national parks--how this can be possible we at the NPCA do not know, as we are certain that even gun carrying criminals will respect to the utmost, the ban against guns in the parks. Your guess is as good as ours. As our park rangers cannot keep up with the activity already happening in our parks,we at the NPCA suggest values tests to keep out of our national parks all but the most fervant outdoor types, bicyclists and hikers only. No more RV's, cars, diesel busses and the like. If people want to visit the parks, they can hike to them and in them. Opening up the parks to allow guns even where hunting is not allowed will put a greater toll on the Park Service, we'e much rather have toll house cookies, and the keebler elves, rather than unspecified, and imaginary threats to wildlife species. However, since the problem of human predators in our parks will not go away with the bits of wishful thinking I have not edited from this letter, the only solution which remains is to stop this silly prohibition on the right of the people to keep and bear arms, and thereby defend themselves from the most dangerous species which travel to our parks yearly.
Please open up our parks to loaded guns. This administration would be setting a terrible precedent by not allowing loaded weapons in our parks, validating the basic trust in the values and virtue of the American people, from whom you derive your consesnt to govern. And don't forget it!!! MOLON LABE. (Reputedly the reply of Leonidas and the Spartans to Darius and his Persian army at Thermopylae who, when told to surrender their arms said, "Come and take them". Sometimes this phrase is translated as, "Don't shoot til you see the whites of their eyes."

Go hence to the link above and compose your own letter.

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