Friday, July 25, 2008

Obama in Berlin: "I Am the World"

Greetings Earthlings! (Cheers and whistles!) I come to you today with the most profound humility....Perhaps the most profound humility ever...As sea levels begin their long descent to higher tidal levels of safeness....And amidst billowing, flowery concern for all peoples...those in the front of the pews, those in the back, and those who missed most of the sermons...I come to you today... Not as an American...Not a citizen of the World... Not just a member of the Solar System...but... as The Representative... of the Great, Expanding, Universe! (Whistles! Cheers! Bottle rockets! Ionizing particle cloud chambers!) This is our momentito! Our great minuto! La Grande momento accelerando desperado!!! People of the Earth, "I have returned, Rally to me!"

"I know that I don't look like the Americans who've previously spoken in this great city." Yo! Have you forgotten already? I'm not here as an American...or just as The Candidate for American President...Nor as a Chicagoan who never said anything I haven't already said I believed ...And said differently when asked about it later, like that guy in Momento. But a new guy! A different guy. A guy whose father grew up with goats. And that's why I'm here. And you are here for the same reason...the same yearning. To get away from the goats! (Whistles! Jeers!! Wheels of cheese!!!) The yearning to be free!! Free of or cares about needless fears, and imaginary threats....After all, Germany... is just a tiny country....And let us not fail to was people of tiny countries , flying tiny planes... into real tall buildings...and into Berlin...that left "...much of this continent ... in ruin". So I repeat my wonderful self, Germany is no threat to us...And the earth is no threat to us...It is just a tiny country, nothing at all like the Soviet Union....Now the Zorg's, of Planet Bog. That is a threat endangering us all! (Spzrgk's! Zrip Gripg!! Plqzkels!!!)

As we look a time of change...a time of hope...and a time when it's inappropriate to visit soldiers during my visit to your tiny country, paid for by MY Campaign...Let us be clear about the past....
"The odds were stacked against success. ... a heavy fog filled the sky... in the darkest hours, the people of Berlin kept the flame of hope burning". In their stoves and fireplaces.. Their furnaces and boilers...Their power plants and their 55 gal drums... On the street corners, and in the alleys ...Using coal from America...Coal from the hills of Applachia...Coal from the mountains of West Virginia...(Sparklers! Smoke bombs!! Jelly donuts!!!)

"People of the world - look at Irving Berlin!" (Broadway ditties! Show tunes!! Dirty limmericks!!!) "History has led us to a new crossroad, with new promise and new peril..." And Star Wars, a New Hope.

Earthlings!! Insignificant little beings from tiny little countries!!! I am the one we have been waiting for me, and so are you!!! "That is why the greatest danger of all is to allow new walls to divide us from one another."

"Here, at the base of a column built to mark victory in war..." we see they have fallen before. Many times in places all over the world, the walls have been collapsed on "...the the Center of a Europe at peace." "That is why America cannot turn inward." Earthlings!! Groveling, partially sentient Schnitzel lovers and adorers of the solace of sophistry. Rally to me! This is the time, again. Once more again, this is the Moment! Again!! I am the World!!! (Whistles! Harmonicas!! Bagpipes!!! Pipe Organs!!!! Naked Fainting Frauleins!!!!! )

Hold on, hold on task...uh...well, er...getting closer to ,,,,the.....,,,,momnets of,,,we....(sotto voce), "Turn the G- damn prompter back on Dumb Kraut Kremepffs!!!.

Yes!! Earthlings!!! This is the moment...This is the Time...This is The Day the Earth Stood Still!! (Cheers! Decoder rings!! Barak...Barata Nikto...I'm worried about Gort !!!)

"This is the moment..."...when one man a time for moments...unlike any other moments, in the entire universe of moments, a time, a film: "free and fair for all...we must forge trade for a new dawn the further spread of the deadly atom...across this entire continent...leave our children a world where the oceans...marched and bled for give our children...left behind in a globalized world...the carbon we send into our atmosphere... candy to grateful children...the blogger in Iran...and those who don't look like us ."

Earthlings! Tiny countries!! Worshippers of the Greatest Most Improbable Me!!! I Am the Universe!! (Meteors! Comets! ! Asteroids!!! The Great Magellanic Clouds!!! The Trifid Nebula Messier 20 in Sagittarius!!!! Supernova Messier 1!!!!!!!! "People of Berlin - and people of the world - the scale of our challenge is great. The road ahead will be long. But I come before you to say that we are heirs to a struggle for freedom. We are a people of improbable hope. Let us build on our common history, and seize our common destiny, and once again engage in that noble struggle to bring justice and peace to our world."

Barack Obama, a Democratic Senator from Illinois, (with 243 days experience in the Senate, and the ability to fool anyone with the sounds of his own voice, especially himself),is the presumptous(sic) Democratic presidential nominee

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